Hello, people! It's all a joke!
An Interview with Franklin T., Head Honcho of stonedgecko.com
 Good domain names are hard to come by. What made you think “Stonedgecko, that’s the ticket!”?
My original idea for a humor website revolved around the domain name huffpaint.com, which was available at the time (and probably still is). I started rethinking that when I realized that people might not catch on to the fact that it was a joke and start suing me when their kids huffed paint and croaked. That turned out to be a good decision on my part because I've gotten plenty of mail from people who really think I'm this cranky fucker who hates just about everything under the sun. Hello, people! It's all a joke! People take things way too seriously. I blame this on AOL, alcohol free beer, and chicks who take "Womyns Herstory" classes.
Anyway, I've always liked geckos, and after finding that a lot of my gecko domain name ideas were taken, I stumbled upon stonedgecko.com. I liked that the name sounded interesting and could be viewed as either promoting reptile drug use or turning small creatures to stone. What was more difficult was to come up with a graphic. My first graphic was a dancing gecko I stole from some guy who writes children's literature. I set his eyelids at half-mast and surrounded him with green smoke. I thought about using it, but didn't want to get sued and have to pay him money because you know, those children's writers just blow it all on heroin anyway. I mean, Dr. Suess? Jesus, whatever you're on dude, cut the dose!
What kind of response are you getting to the site, and what features are most popular with readers?
The response has been overwhelmingly positive. I'd estimate that about 95% of all people who comment on it have nice things to say. Whether this is due to good writing, funny ideas, or widespread drug use amongst our nation's youth, I can't say. But it is satisfying to know that people appreciate my site.
The FuckerList is the biggest draw, hands down. I personally think it's rather boring, but it does have the advantage that it draws in the ego-surfer (people who search the net for their own name on Google). People see their name up there, add whomever they think added them, then browse through my site. It's free advertising and it's all done by my readers. What a deal. Besides the FuckerList, I get a lot of "way-to-go's" from people who like my reader mail section. Apparently, ripping apart AOL users and people who like wrestling hits a nerve with people. All I know is that calling someone a "shit-eating, dog-ramming hermaphrodite" makes me laugh.
At what point does something go from annoying inconvenience to a rant on stonedgecko.com?
That happens about five nanoseconds after I think of a good line. For instance, I was in a salad bar when a fat chick in front of me commented that she couldn't wait until she was off her diet. I looked at her plate, which consisted of gallons of blue cheese dressing, cheese, bacon bits, etc., and thought, "Why, so you can go back to eating entire deep fried cows?" Having that line made me want to write the piece I did on salad bars, because I knew I'd have at least one good line in there somewhere.
Some pieces are very easy to write. My rant on people who drive slowly in the left hand lane was so easy I could have written it in my sleep. That's because I estimate that I spend 30% of my life behind these choads. On the other hand, some are a bit more difficult, and I've tossed a few away because they didn't work out to my satisfaction.
You maintain a list of reader-submitted names called the “Fucker List”, and have been adamant in your refusal to remove any of them. Have any of the threatening emails you receive turned into real lawsuits?
All of the legal hassles I've gotten have been as a result of the FuckerList, and I'd rather not comment on them because I don't want to give anyone any ideas. But I can say that no one has ever successfully sued me, and no one has come off of the list once they've gone on there. In short, if your name is on the FuckerList and you sue me, you will lose and it just goes to prove that you truly are a fucker.
As far as the FuckerList goes, people seem to think that being called a fucker entitles them to some sort of legal redress. First of all, my readers are the ones who make the FuckerList, not me. I merely post their entries. Second of all, since when does being called a name entitle you to anything? I can call Rosie Perez a douchebag, and there's not a thing she can do about it. That's a statement of opinion, not fact. For a while, I got so many complaints and lawsuit threats that I had to put up a FuckerList FAQ to point out that libel laws do not cover opinionative statements. Of course, clicking on a link to an FAQ is beyond a lot of AOL users and other fuckers, so I still get complaints. But the volume has dropped quite a bit.
Even so, I still get contacted by people who go way off the deep end. A few months back someone took offense to an entry on the FuckerList and reported me to their local high school, local police department, their state attorney general, the FBI, various legal representatives, and Yahoo. Absolutely nothing came out of that, but it was kind of fun for me. I sat there wondering exactly what Yahoo was going to do. Come crashing through the window SWAT-team style? Kidnap my dogs? Tell me not to use naughty words on the internet? Some people are such morons.
If someone sent your mother’s name in for the “Fucker List”, would you put it up, honoring the oath you took as webmaster, or would you suppress free speech and “lose” the email? What if it was your DAD that sent it in????
I very rarely censor entries to the FuckerList, but I do it from time to time. Someone once submitted Gandalf the White (from Tolkien's Lord of the Rings). Why they had a problem with old Gandalf I don't know (and frankly, I'm not sure I'd want to know), but for some reason that pissed me off. I mean, here's an imaginary character who does nothing but good, is kind to all who deserve kindness, and runs around Middle Earth smoking "pipe-weed". Why the hell would anyone have a problem with that? So he didn't make the list.
As for theoretically adding my mother, I wouldn't do it. She's not a fucker, and I'm in a better position than anyone else to make that judgement. And seeing as how my father passed away 9 years ago, if he e-mailed me I'd have other things to worry about besides my web site. Like cutting down on the psychedelic drugs.
Does your writing have a therapeutic effect for you?
Well, not as much as you'd think. As I mentioned earlier, a lot of people think I'm this wound up, mean little troll who really hates a lot of things. That's very far from the truth. I'm extremely easy going, and not much bothers me. But from time to time writing a piece will make me feel a bit better about things. For example, rude people in the movies piss me off less now because when they're talking during a movie, I think about the extreme rant I posted about them and it makes me smile. But is my site an outlet for pent-up anger? No, because I don't have a lot of that.
Have you had any formal training in writing and do you write anything outside the website?
I don't have any formal training beyond what I had in high school, but I've always had a way with words. I know this because people used to tell me when I was young "You're so good with words. You should be a lawyer." A lawyer? Hey, great, thanks a lot pal. Maybe if I work really hard at it, I can do that one better and become a serial rapist, huh?
As for writing outside of stonedgecko.com, I don't do a whole lot of other things simply because I don't have enough time. I do have a side project though. I'm currently writing a screenplay for no other reason than that I was curious to understand the screenplay writing process. I'd imagine that nothing will come out of it other than satisfying my personal curiosity on the subject, but who knows. The next time you hear from me I may be working on a trendy heroin habit in Southern California while getting head from Carmen Electra, although to be fair I don't think it'd be that hard to get head from her. Just show up at Dennis Rodman's house, really.
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